I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
