how can u be prego again
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize