lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
