Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
