Fuck appropriateness.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
