i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize