he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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