So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
