Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
