I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
