you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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