i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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