So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
