Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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