Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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