She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize