Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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