i need an iv and a liver transplant
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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