Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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