Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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