how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
