do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
