Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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