Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
