I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
