to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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