You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
