I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
