Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
