I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm just crazy horny about you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
