Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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