Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
