We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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