ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I stole a fireplace last night.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
