I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
