so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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