If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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