Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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