I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize