If i come over, it means nothing
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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