Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
