i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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