Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
