so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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