Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
