Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
