remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize