he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
