don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
