Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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