I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
