explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
