i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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