At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
