The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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