this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
