I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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