Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize