Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
