Apparently you make a good broom.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
