he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
