You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
