I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
foreskin is a definite game changer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
