You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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