My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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