I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
