Midget sex pt 2 tonight
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
