Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
