he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize