Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
