It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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