And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
