you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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