just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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