she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
