I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
