so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
