So gin and wine won't be happening again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
