I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
