I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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