Your face is a jimmy john
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
