In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
