based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
