fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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