I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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