Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
