Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
