i wish my penis had a tongue
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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