my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
