dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
smell my finger.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
