he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
