He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
