last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
