I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
