i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
