Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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