Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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