I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
