I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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