As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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