Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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